I just got "Dad's Pregnant Too" and I had just started reading,  I got to the part about the abuse of the pregnancy card,  I had read it and it seemed reasonable enough, I felt that it conveyed the idea that we are willing to help (just as before pregnancy) and not every thing needs to be preceeded with the pregnancy card. The suggestion was to share this with your partner, so I did.  In retrospect I either shouldn't have or I should have filtered the message.

My wife focused on the passage about women who were high mainenace would more likely to abuse the pregnancy card.  I have never thought of my wife as high maintenance, and I have told her on many occasions just that.  History aside that was the word she focused on,  "Do you consider me high maintenance," and "I don't think I like you reading this book," is what followed.  It took me while 1) to convince her that she wasn't high maintenace, and 2) to get her focused on the concept that asking for help doesn't always have to be about pregnancy, I just asked her "before you were pregnant how often did I ever refuse to help you?,  did you need to say your pregnant.   The bottom line was my sharing that with her at that moment came off as an accusation that she was going to mis-use the the pregnancy card.

David first instance of AA at 7 weeks

David, Harlan here...  so sorry man...  never thought I would be the one contributing to your accidental a-hole moment.  It was all so innocent.  Tell your wife that I never thought she was high maintenance.  Here's how I would have presented Tip #8 The Pregnancy Card, "This tip is NOT about you, but it's kind of funny... your friend "insert name" needs to know about this one."  Then she can read it, appreciate it, and know you never meant it to be about her.  Then you should immediately flip to Chapter #7, "Spoiling Your Pregnant Partner" and share it with her.  Then, hand over the book and she can "accidentally" discover Chapter #8, Pregnant Sex (an added bonus).

Oddly enough I encountered a similiar situation I told my wife about the don't use abuse the pregnancy card idea how you don't have to say but I'm pregnant etc.  What she heard was "You are abusing the fact that you are pregnant and I refuse to help you anymore."  I swear nothing like that came out of my mouth but it did not matter.
Luckily after further and further explaination and some time she understood what I was actually saying.

I find it interesting that sharing tips with the pregnant partner could cause blowups.

I never actually discussed the tips in the book with my wife. I used them, hoarded the knowledge and treated them like my secret weapons.

When she said "I'm so fat, " I'd reply, "No dear, you've got a passenger on board, and she's just trying to get some room to swim."

Every time she'd have questions, I'd have answers ready. The more helpful I was, the more grateful she got.

By the end, she was so used to me having good ideas, she'd take my suggestions without a second thought.

Truth is, I just stayed ahead of her whims and moods and educated myself before she started to wonder what was next.

GREAT book, with super ideas, and so helpful to this first time dad. Thanks, Harlan!

Chris

Aoi's dad, 3 days old. (Heck, we're still at the hospital! )

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